Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Great Deodorant

The old joke in sports is that winning is a great deodorant. Winning makes everything okay. It covers up problems.

Winning also brings out good stuff from strange places. Did you see Lito Sheppard actually making a nice tackle last Sunday late in the game? It was sorta garbage time, but there was Lito firing into the legs of Chester Taylor and putting him on the ground. Where was effort like that 8 weeks ago?

Omar Gaither suddenly has emerged as a force on STs. He's blocking well, blowing up the wedge, and making tackles. I don't recall seeing that in November or even early December.

The playoffs have a weird effect on guys. Being in the postseason excites players. Everybody wants to contribute. Everyone wants to be part of a winner. There is another angle, though. Lito and Omar know the rest of the league is watching. They want to stand out to impress future employers.

It would have been great for Lito to play with this mentality all year long. Instead he pouted because things didn't go his way. No better way to show teams you deserve a raise than by pouting and underachieving while already taking in $5M a year. Idiot.

I have some sympathy for Omar. He lost his starting job at midseason. He started the year very well, but struggled as we faced more physical teams. He was replaced by Akeem Jordan and the defense went from very good to dominant. Omar didn't do much after getting benched until the Dallas game. He really came alive on STs that day. Why so late?

Omar hates playing on STs. He feels he should be a starter. I've heard this from a couple of different sources. I think the importance of things got to him late in the year and he finally decided to make the best of things. Better late than never I guess.


I had some writer's block as I started the Game Preview so I wrote out a goofy version just to get my brain working. Here it is...


The Giants have lost 3 of 4. They cheated most of the season to get off to a good start, but once the NFL caught on and made them play fairly they got exposed as the Madoff of Division winners.

Giants O vs Eagles D

Nancy Manning has never seen the kind of heat that Trent Cole and his band of heroic warriors bring. I have an inside tip that Jim Johnson has designed a special play where Dawk knocks the ball from Manning and FattPatt scoops it up and starts running. JJ wants Patt to have the ball so that he will take his sweet time on the way to the endzone. Chris Clemons has been instructed to slam Manning down with his wicked lead blocks as much as possible during the return.

Eagles O vs Giants D



I don’t see how Candy Coughlin can expect to beat Big Red and the Eagles. Andy has more hair in his right nostril that Coughlin does on his entire body. Andy's body temp never drops below the Mendoza line. That gives us a significant advantage in a cold weather setting. I won't tell you how McNabb keeps his hands warm, but it isn't pleasant.

Back to the game. Patt’s TD makes it 7-0. Westy continually runs to the 1 and goes down on a knee so that the clock will keep running. He knows 7-0 is a good enough lead to win.

Ed Hochuli comes up big for the Giants. They down a punt at the 1-yd line late in the game. Candy Coughlin challenges the ruling that it is the Eagles ball. He says that the punt was a live ball, citing Chapter 9, subsection 4 of the Magna Carta, which he carries a copy of in his pocket and shows to Hochuli. Ed is confused by a book with no pictures and rules in favor of the Giants. This really pisses off Jim Johnson and the Eagles. He orders Asante Samuel to make a play. Sammie, with impeccable timing and excellent hands, intercepts the snap and runs it back 99 yds for a TD.

The Eagles go on to win the SB. Chocolate pudding rains from the sky. Megan Fox does a 45-minute nude scene in several upcoming movies. 2009 is widely hailed as the greatest year ever.

- The End -


Stephen said...

you have writers block because you write too much tommy, gotta give the old noggin some rest.

A said...

I like this write-up better than the one on the EMB.